On this first day in April, Greater Ohio Policy Center has determined that Ohio’s urban and metro areas are fully revitalized and that further progress is impossible. “It’s true, our cities are essentially flawless. GOPC’s work is done, and we have finally reached the phase Mission Complete” said Associate Director Alison Goebel. “We don’t have any data or anything to prove it, but it just seems like this is what has happened” remarked Project Associate Alex Highley. “This has all really come out of nowhere, but suddenly it appears that job openings are everywhere, city centers are booming, infrastructure is working, transportation congestion has been eliminated, and everything else has been solved that was once considered a problem.” This shocking news precludes the need for further updates, given that everything is perfect.